I'm Free
by Devil666sc
Summary: JJ is feeling the pain of Dee's rejections. He is at the end of his rope. what will he do?


:: Means flashbacks  
  
In JJ's POV  
  
((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))  
  
Damn it JJ. Get the fuck off me! When will you learn? Me and Ryo are together and that's how it's going to be. I don't nor did I nor will I ever like you. Get that through your head. I love Ryo and only Ryo....  
  
The memories cut through him like a warm knife in butter. JJ sat in the empty break room; midnight was coming and the building empty beside him, Drake, Dee and Ryo. The big case had them in double overtime but JJ couldn't work. Why did today's rejections hit him so hard? Why hadn't it happen before? "Maybe it's because now I know he truly loves Ryo. I'm such an idiot! Now that memory won't stop replaying and it has me concerned.  
  
_**Memories concern**  
_  
Ever time I think of him my heart breaks and I just want this pain to end. His name is like salt to an open wound.  
  
**_Like opening the wound_  
**  
I can't stop picking at my faults. Why doesn't he like me? Is it my hair? I know it's violet but truly it's natural! I have to stop this! I can't keep tearing myself apart because of him!  
  
**_I'm picking me apart again_  
**  
Hey it's not like anyone even thinks that I'm not ok. They just all assume I'm better when I go home. Better then when I'm at work.  
  
**_You all assume  
I'm safer in my room_  
  
**When I start they worry. When I show any emotion besides being slap-happy. When that shows they know I'm not ok.  
  
_**Unless I try to start again**_  
  
I can't be that person anymore. I don't want to be him. My battling emotions always pick which one wins and I can't do it anymore.  
  
_**I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose**_  
  
I know what's inside  
  
_**Cuz inside I realize**  
_  
Confusion, disorganization. I can't keep them straight.  
  
_**That I'm the one confused**_  
  
Dee doesn't love me and when I kissed Drake... things aren't worth it. Why am I even caring? I don't know if anything's worth it.  
  
_**I don't know what's worth fighting for**  
_  
It's to the point that I have to scream. My emotions are taking control and I have to get it out.  
  
_**Or why I have to scream**  
_  
I don't know why I would even think he would ever love me  
  
_**I don't know why I instigate**_  
  
The thing is I don't love him. Maybe its just habit that I still say it.  
  
**_And say what I don't mean_  
**  
How did I ever end up like this?  
  
_**I don't know how I got this way**_  
  
I can't keep thinking I'm fine  
  
_**I know it's not alright**_  
  
I have to stop being this way. I have to stop acting this way  
  
_**So I'm breaking the habit**  
_  
I'm going to stop and tonight it will end once and for all  
  
_**I'm breaking the habit tonight**_  
  
There is only one thing that can end my illness. I can't spread this on to others. My sickness ends with my life.  
  
_**Clutching my sure**_  
  
No one can save me. The door is shut. No one will enter... it's locked, the way it has to be.  
  
_**I tightly lock the door**  
_  
My heart is racing. The adrenalin is getting to me. My breathing is long gone. I never thought this would be thrilling.  
  
_**I try to catch my breath again**_  
  
The more I think the more it hurts. Never has the pain been this great before  
  
**_I hurt more_  
_Then anytime before_**  
  
I have to do this now. There's nothing else left... like before.  
  
_**I have no options left again**_  
  
I can't let my emotions choose who wins. I don't want to be like that again. I know I'm confused... how can't I be?  
  
_**I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused**  
  
_What is worth the fight? I have to scream because the pain is so great from that fight.  
  
Why did I think he would change? Why do I tell him what's not true? Why am I this way? Ok is something I'll never be. This shit I'm have to end! It's ending tonight!  
  
_**I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight**  
_  
I have to get it out. They have to know what's real  
  
_**I'll paint it on the walls  
**_  
I'm going to fall again but this time I won't get up. The fighting will finally end and my head will be clear. My cure is my gun. Cold steal through my head will ease erase all my pain.  
  
_**Cuz I'm the one that falls  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends**_  
  
Nothings worth the fight! I'll never need to scream again! In the end my mind will be clear. I'll be happy like when I was a child. My sexuality won't be a factor. I won't need to prove anything. Truly I have no idea when I started being this way. Without my cure I'll never be ok, so I'm breaking my pain. It ends tonight.  
  
_**I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So, I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit  
Breaking the habit tonight**  
_  
A single gun shot rang through the empty hall as the last midnight bell chimed. Three detectives ran to it's source only to be stopped by a locked door.  
  
Red hair flew in his face as he banged on the door. "JJ open the door now! We will break it down."  
  
"Drake screw that move. Ryo move." Shattered wood danced in the air as the door flew open. The white room was covered in red as JJ's body lay pale in a pool of his own blood.  
  
Big black letter we scrawled on the wall:  
  
I'm **free** of my pain  
  
((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))((-))  
  
Yea I now another one of my stories that ends in death... really I love all the people but it's just that it always makes a nice story. Plus it was the songs fault? Ohhh yea I don't own the song or the people. I would love to own Ryo... and Dee. We would have fun? We'd go shopping at Hot Topic. But anyway... like it hate it? Tell me please buh bye now. I have to get ready for Boot camp YAY! I really can't wait? (Truly I want to go:)). Bye now. 


End file.
